Joke Mar 26

Sam the mailman is retiring after 30 years on the same route. Neither rain nor snow nor hail has ever prevented Sam from the delivering the mail on time. Needless to say Sam will be sorely missed. People have been turning out all morning to wish him well and offer gifts. Toward the end of his route he arrives at the home of lovely Mrs. Smith who invites him in to a gourmet full course breakfast. Sam cannot believe it but the best is yet to come she assures him. After eating she leads him upstairs and he finds himself in a passionate embrace followed by several hours of wild passionate loving. Delirious at the end Sam thinks he has died and gone to heaven. Suddenly Mrs. Smith leaps up and runs to her purse saying "I almost forgot!" She takes out a toonie which she hands to Sam. "What's this for?" he asks baffled. "When I asked my husband what we should do about a retirement gift for you he replied 'Sam, fuck him! Give him two bucks.' But the breakfast was my idea."

Joke March 2

Black Fellah to White Fellah

Dear white fellah,
There's a coupla tings you orta no.
FirstlyWen I am born, I'm black.
Wen I grow up, I'm black.
Wen I get sick, I'm black.
Wen I'm cold, I'm black.
Wen I go out in the sun, I'm black.
And wen I get scared, I'm black.
And wen I die, yes, I'm still black.
But you white fellah ....Wen you born, you pink.
Wen you grow up, you white.
Wen you get sick, you green.
Wen you cold, you go blue.
Wen you go out in the sun, you go red.
And wen you get scared, you yellah.
And wen you die, you purple.
And you call me coloured !!

Joke March 1

GOOD THINGS ABOUT HUSBANDS:
1. Husbands are less expensive to shoe.
2. Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
3. A lame husband can still work.
4. A husband with a belly-ache doesn't have to be walked.
5. Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.
6. They're better able to understand puns.
7. If they're playing hard to catch you *may* be able to run them down on foot.
8. They know their name.
9. They pay their own bills.
10. They apologize when they step on your toes.
11. No saddle fitting problems.
12. They seldom refuse to get in the vehicle.
13. They don't panic, yelling and running all through the house when you leave them alone. (unless you left the kids too).
14. For a nominal fee you can hire someone else to clip them.
15. They don't like the lady next door just as well as you just because she fed him 3 days straight.

THE HORSE'S ADVANTAGE:
1. If they don't work out you can sell them.
2. They don't come with in-laws.
3. You don't have to worry about your children looking like them.
4. You never have to iron their saddle pads.
5. If you get too fat for one you can shop for a bigger one.
6. They smell good when they sweat.
7. You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape.
8. It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence."
9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition...with a whip if necessary.
10. They don't want their turn at the computer.
11. They turn white with age, but not bald.
12. They've never *heard* of PMS.
13. They learn to accept restraint.
14. They love to go trail riding.
15. They don't care what you look like, as long as you have a carrot.