Debs Place

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Men's definitions

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially know at the present time and may not understand in the future.
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.
SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how anattractive your date is.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Joke: Maria

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children, then her husband dies. She remarries two months later, and has 12 children by her second husband before he dies. Three years later she passes away. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At last, they're finally together." A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, father. But do you mean, she and her first husband, or she and her second husband? The priest says, "I mean her legs."

Friday, August 24, 2007

She/He Definitions


Wants & needs (wontz and nedz) n.

female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.

male: Food, sex and beer.


Thingy (thing-ee) n.

female: Any part under a car's hood.

male: The strapfastener on a woman's bra.


Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n.f

emale: A woman who makes love to other women.

male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n.

female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.

male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.


Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

male: Playing ball without a cup.


Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.


Butt (but) n.

female: The body part that every item of clothing manufacturedmakes "look bigger."

male: The organ of mooning (and farting).


Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.

female: A desire to get married and raise a family.

male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.


Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

female: A good movie, concert, play or book.

male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.


Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.

female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.

male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.


Making love (may-king luv) n.

female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.


Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2-1/2minutes.


Taste (tayst) v.

female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking,to make sure it's good.

male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

MEN'S ENGLISH

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes"

Maybe" = No"

It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.

"We need to talk" = I need to complain.

"sure....... ... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

"I heard a noise" =I noticed you were almost asleep.

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not goingto like.

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

"You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.

"Are you listening to me?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

Monday, August 20, 2007

Joke Aug 20

Len called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner. "Hello?" said a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," said Len." Is mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Len said, "But you don't have an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Yes, I do. He's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl came back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy. " And what happened?
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my God! And what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that you took out all the water last week to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool, and now he's dead too."
There was a long pause. Then Len said, "Swimming pool? Is this 555-7039?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Joke Aug 17

NEWLYWEDS

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old geezer decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."

The old geezer sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he asked, "Is that one word or two?"

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Joke Aug 16th

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible headaches.When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news isI can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's whatI need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman,"I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see,... 34 sleeve and...16 and a half neck."

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9 and a half wide."

Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How abouta new hat?"

Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure!"The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see. . . 7 5/8."

Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure!"The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36."

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head and said, "You can't wear a size 34 It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"