A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?" The bartender says, "Once upon a time . . ."
Did you hear they found a new use for sheep in Alabama? Wool.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with . . . the other is used to carry groceries.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? Bingo!
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "All right, I'll let ya stay---but don't start nuthin."
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter. He won't come anyway.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Why are there so many Johnson's in the phone book? They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses? Italians hate ALL witnesses.
What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Did you hear about the Amish woman who wanted a divorce? Her husband was driving her buggy.
A guy is driving down the street. A cop pulls him over and says, "Sir, were you aware that your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?" The guy says, "Oh, thank God! I thought I went deaf."
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist? Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.
What's the different between a Jehovah Witness and a Yugo? You can slam the door on a Jehovah Witness.
