Debs Place

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Joke Jan 31st

Miss Bea was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something..but he certainly could not mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer."Miss Bea" he said,"I wonder if you would tell me about this"... pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied. "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet and it would prevent disease. And, you know, I think it is working. I haven't had cold all winter."

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Joke Jan 30

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning, before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat;
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply:
"Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."

Friday, January 26, 2007

Joke Jan 26th

More funny pick up lines

6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher,have you seen one?
9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
10. Wanna play Army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Joke Jan 25th

Great/funny pick up lines..
1. I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.
2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
3. Nice legs...what time do they open?
4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Joke Jan 3rd (Happy New Year)

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker thatsays,"How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.